Inspiring and Realistic
As coaches, we often want our clients to feel that the sky is the limit. That if they really want success and also authentically work towards their goals that they can achieve their dreams. We can believe that our enthusiastic support can be like “super-nutrients” for success, where our words can be the difference between a base-hit or a home-run. For hey ! – we are their coach after all – we need to pour it on… don’t we?
While “pouring it on” may uplift the energy of what the client is working towards, it often simply induces a limited state experience, that, unless it is held with the structure of a more solid and grounded program, will lead to subsequent crash – and thus, limited actual success in their program. For all state experiences come to an end, and, state experiences themselves (such as inspiring and unrealistic support) provide no substantial growth unless supported by structure that can provide both translation and metabolisation of that state experience.
I often see over-indulgent support in how coaches write-up their client’s topic, objectives, or goals.
Some examples:
“You will be able to face another person and feel any emotion fully.”
“You will be able to meet any challenge head on.”
“You’ll be able to contain all ideas and work with complete commitment.”
“You will come to know your self completely with your intentions fully aligned.”
Note the absolute and unrealistic qualifiers that are made in these statements. “Meet any challenge”, “Know yourself completely” No matter how great a coach you are you can’t promise somebody such absolutist goals. While this action can appear to keep a client’s spirits high, it is not realistic. And when we set unrealistic expectations – even if we provide high-spirited support – we don’t keep the client’s coaching program grounded in substantial subjective and objective growth.
While definitely not a hard & fast rule, watch out for these keywords that tend to intimate more romantic, idealistic, and absolutist support: Fully, completely, all, any. If you use one of these words, ensure it is within a grounded context.
In my opinion, support is more powerful and promotes longer-lasting actual change (not just the high from a state experience) when it actually lands on the ground for the client versus stays altruistically in the air. Remember – true power and impact is only delivered when energy lands on the ground. A hammer only does its job when it comes downward to strike the nail into the earth. Walking only works when out foot presses against the ground. Even lighting only is dangerous when it strikes towards the earth. So, ensure your words can be felt on the ground of the client’s life.
Rewritten, the above statements would look like:
“You will be able to face a greater variety of people while experiencing more of your emotions”
“You will be able to meet more challenges in your work and home life with increased capacity to stand your ground.”
“You will become more committed in working with a greater range of ideas.”
“You will be able to align your intentions with greater clarity as you come to know yourself further.”
Can you see and feel the difference?
These are much more grounded statements for possible success. These statements are inspiring and realistic.
By providing support with both feet on the ground –your client will hit more homeruns, and be able to make it around all the bases ; )
