Create a State
A “state” experience or “peak” experience is a particular condition that is felt for a specific period of time. A fleeting moment of phenomena that in some manner affects us. We are constantly moving through various states of experience and states of consciousness.
To learn more about states in general, take a look at this free online presentation from Integral Life.
While there is a lot to be said about states of consciousness, what I want to point towards here is states of experience. Most people, in some form, are looking to experience a particular state. Happiness is an often desired state. As is the state of freedom. Sometimes we look for a high energy state through music or dance. At other times we desire a intense intimate state through sexual loving. We also desire peaceful states and inspiring states.
Yet, we also want challenging, intriguing, perplexing state experiences. Many people also desire frightening and overwhelming state experiences – hence the massive horror film industry. Why we want to experience certain states is not important right here. That’s a deep rabbit hole of psycho-emotional exploration that require a few bottles of gin to explore (ah yes, another state experience – the ‘spirits’ of alcohol).
With regards to states, the two things I believe every coach must remember is:
1. Your client needs certain state experiences to grow
2. You provide a state experience every time you see your client
States to Grow From
There are some great videos about states of consciousness and development on Integral Life, you do however have to be a member of I-Life to watch. You can however read the content for free.
The quick and dirty is: until you get to experience certain “things” (aka states) in your heart-body-mind you will not be able to grow. Like nutrients, that your body requires to grow healthy, you also need to experience certain states in order to grow healthy. It is a well researched fact that babies that don’t receive enough physical touch end up growing with certain emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical deficits. They need a chance to experience that nutrient of physical touch, the “state” of being held and loved.
The “reprieve from hunger” is another state that all of need to experience in our lives. From the state of hunger to the state of fullness is a significant state experience that most of us take for granted, where as the majority of people on Earth still have not enough of that peak experience. Until you have felt “full” enough in your life, you actually can’t move into a state of “emptiness”. Seen from both a spiritual and pragmatic perspective, it is valuable to rest in emptiness such that you can then discover deeper aspects of awareness, creativity, and capacity. It is from emptiness that something arises. To mature into those aspects, however, we need to have had enough “full” states, to then be able to enter the “empty” state.
One more example. The state of feeling “acknowledged and affirmed” creates specific bio-chemical and emotional-psycological affects that essentially allows the self to feel like it belongs. When you feel affirmed (from others and/or through your self) there is a buoyancy that opens your heart and you have the experience of being validated and substantiated. That is a very valuable state to experience. Those who have not received enough of the “acknowledged and affirmed” nutrients from others, have a hard time finding it within themselves. This leads to lack of self-trust, which then makes it hard to manifest one’s desires. Thus, to provide that particular state for a client – one of feeling “acknowledged and affirmed” can be very powerful and necessary in order for your client to gain traction in their topic, and actually grow to embody their capacity.
A good book that reviews various “performance” states is called The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. This book is great as it looks at how athletes and executives require different states in order to achieve higher levels of performance.
Thus, it is important, and I would say necessary, to include state nutrients in your practice and program designs, as well as your sessions. When writing a practice for a client, ask yourself – “what state of experience would be beneficial for my client to feel during this practice?”
Providing States
Believe it or not we are all looking for specific states to experience – ALL THE TIME. From the food we eat, to the amount of sleep we have, to whom we spend our time with, and what we read and watch on TV. In order to be any good at deeply serving people (as a coach or in any profession with relationships) you have to realize and admit that you (and all of us) desire specific states of experience. To deny that is to be ignorant and deluded to the reality of the majority of human activity.
Now, just to be certain, there are definitely aspects of reality that are not state dependent. “Stages” of reality and development do exist, and are distinct from yet not separate from state experiences. More info about these stages once again from Integral Life – Free Video, and Free Description. As well, there are specific disciplines of spiritual practice that assist you in resting in the ever-present ground of no-state – shunyata – Big Mind awareness. The hiccup with this is – that until we have stabilized the true capacity to rest in the ground of no-state as a stage of our development, then when we do find that place of no-state Big Mind, it will, auspiciously, be a state experience. No need to get into that discussion here – for that is for a small percentage of the population (and would require a move from gin to scotch for the parlay).
To then land this back into your coaching work – every time you see your clients you are providing a certain state experience for him or her. There is the obvious nutrient you are providing – “time with my coach” – which for many clients evokes a feeing of accountability, of potential, of novel, of moving towards success. Consider that. Every time a client enters your office they are taking the “coach vitamin” which within seconds they experience accountability, novel, and possibility. That is powerful stuff – and that is why it is crucial for you to consider states within your coaching practice.
Within one session, what states do you want your client to experience that will help her to move forward in her program and in her move towards topic success? Imagine going to your doctor for a regular check-up. He’s looking at your routine lab results and he mumbles “oh?!”. Suddenly you are in a state – of anxiety, concern, wonder – all from a minor verbal expression. In less than a second your doctor was able to change your state. And even if he told you everything is okay, not to worry, you’re going to leave still feeling the remnants of that state experience. The rest of your day might be affected. Hell, the rest of your week.
As a coach working with the lives of people who are desiring more in their lives, you are meeting them in vulnerability and trust. If you are conscious, you have a lot of power to influence your clients just by the way you speak, the way you sit, the way you breath, and express yourself. Entertainers – actors, musicians, comedians – create state experiences for our enjoyment. As a coach you create state experiences with your clients for their growth.
Whether you want to admit or not, this is going on all the time. We all are creating states of experience for each other – often, incredibly unconsciously. To become a profound coach, take ownership of what you induce with your clients. They will feel it. Done well, they will benefit from your efforts without realizing who or why. You’ll feel fully given by being more in-tune with your efforts. And, there is a higher chance of getting more clients – since they all will want to experience your best Jagger.
