Dear Clients and Friends of James Baye,

It is with great sadness that we have to announce the sudden, accidental death of James Baye. For all inquiries, please email Michaela Boehm at mb@michaelaboehm.com. Thank you.

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Create a State

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A “state” experience or “peak” experience is a particular condition that is felt for a specific period of time. A fleeting moment of phenomena that in some manner affects us. We are constantly moving through various states of experience and states of consciousness.

To learn more about states in general, take a look at this free online presentation from Integral Life.

While there is a lot to be said about states of consciousness, what I want to point towards here is states of experience. Most people, in some form, are looking to experience a particular state. Happiness is an often desired state. As is the state of freedom. Sometimes we look for a high energy state through music or dance. At other times we desire a intense intimate state through sexual loving. We also desire peaceful states and inspiring states.

Yet, we also want challenging, intriguing, perplexing state experiences. Many people also desire frightening and overwhelming state experiences – hence the massive horror film industry. Why we want to experience certain states is not important right here. That’s a deep rabbit hole of psycho-emotional exploration that require a few bottles of gin to explore (ah yes, another state experience – the ‘spirits’ of alcohol).

With regards to states, the two things I believe every coach must remember is:
1. Your client needs certain state experiences to grow
2. You provide a state experience every time you see your client

States to Grow From
There are some great videos about states of consciousness and development on Integral Life, you do however have to be a member of I-Life to watch. You can however read the content for free.

The quick and dirty is: until you get to experience certain “things” (aka states) in your heart-body-mind you will not be able to grow. Like nutrients, that your body requires to grow healthy, you also need to experience certain states in order to grow healthy. It is a well researched fact that babies that don’t receive enough physical touch end up growing with certain emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical deficits. They need a chance to experience that nutrient of physical touch, the “state” of being held and loved.

The “reprieve from hunger” is another state that all of need to experience in our lives. From the state of hunger to the state of fullness is a significant state experience that most of us take for granted, where as the majority of people on Earth still have not enough of that peak experience. Until you have felt “full” enough in your life, you actually can’t move into a state of “emptiness”. Seen from both a spiritual and pragmatic perspective, it is valuable to rest in emptiness such that you can then discover deeper aspects of awareness, creativity, and capacity. It is from emptiness that something arises. To mature into those aspects, however, we need to have had enough “full” states, to then be able to enter the “empty” state.

One more example. The state of feeling “acknowledged and affirmed” creates specific bio-chemical and emotional-psycological affects that essentially allows the self to feel like it belongs. When you feel affirmed (from others and/or through your self) there is a buoyancy that opens your heart and you have the experience of being validated and substantiated. That is a very valuable state to experience. Those who have not received enough of the “acknowledged and affirmed” nutrients from others, have a hard time finding it within themselves. This leads to lack of self-trust, which then makes it hard to manifest one’s desires. Thus, to provide that particular state for a client – one of feeling “acknowledged and affirmed” can be very powerful and necessary in order for your client to gain traction in their topic, and actually grow to embody their capacity.

A good book that reviews various “performance” states is called The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. This book is great as it looks at how athletes and executives require different states in order to achieve higher levels of performance.

Thus, it is important, and I would say necessary, to include state nutrients in your practice and program designs, as well as your sessions. When writing a practice for a client, ask yourself – “what state of experience would be beneficial for my client to feel during this practice?”

Providing States
Believe it or not we are all looking for specific states to experience – ALL THE TIME. From the food we eat, to the amount of sleep we have, to whom we spend our time with, and what we read and watch on TV. In order to be any good at deeply serving people (as a coach or in any profession with relationships) you have to realize and admit that you (and all of us) desire specific states of experience. To deny that is to be ignorant and deluded to the reality of the majority of human activity.

Now, just to be certain, there are definitely aspects of reality that are not state dependent. “Stages” of reality and development do exist, and are distinct from yet not separate from state experiences. More info about these stages once again from Integral Life – Free Video, and Free Description. As well, there are specific disciplines of spiritual practice that assist you in resting in the ever-present ground of no-state – shunyata – Big Mind awareness. The hiccup with this is – that until we have stabilized the true capacity to rest in the ground of no-state as a stage of our development, then when we do find that place of no-state Big Mind, it will, auspiciously, be a state experience. No need to get into that discussion here – for that is for a small percentage of the population (and would require a move from gin to scotch for the parlay).

To then land this back into your coaching work – every time you see your clients you are providing a certain state experience for him or her. There is the obvious nutrient you are providing – “time with my coach” – which for many clients evokes a feeing of accountability, of potential, of novel, of moving towards success. Consider that. Every time a client enters your office they are taking the “coach vitamin” which within seconds they experience accountability, novel, and possibility. That is powerful stuff – and that is why it is crucial for you to consider states within your coaching practice.

Within one session, what states do you want your client to experience that will help her to move forward in her program and in her move towards topic success? Imagine going to your doctor for a regular check-up. He’s looking at your routine lab results and he mumbles “oh?!”. Suddenly you are in a state – of anxiety, concern, wonder – all from a minor verbal expression. In less than a second your doctor was able to change your state. And even if he told you everything is okay, not to worry, you’re going to leave still feeling the remnants of that state experience. The rest of your day might be affected. Hell, the rest of your week.

As a coach working with the lives of people who are desiring more in their lives, you are meeting them in vulnerability and trust. If you are conscious, you have a lot of power to influence your clients just by the way you speak, the way you sit, the way you breath, and express yourself. Entertainers – actors, musicians, comedians – create state experiences for our enjoyment. As a coach you create state experiences with your clients for their growth.

Whether you want to admit or not, this is going on all the time. We all are creating states of experience for each other – often, incredibly unconsciously. To become a profound coach, take ownership of what you induce with your clients. They will feel it. Done well, they will benefit from your efforts without realizing who or why. You’ll feel fully given by being more in-tune with your efforts. And, there is a higher chance of getting more clients – since they all will want to experience your best Jagger.

The Topic is The Door In

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The topic of a client’s program is THE doorway into their program. Everything else, and I mean every single aspect of what you do with & for a client, must arise from the topic. Succeeding in the topic is why the client has hired you as his coach. If you were providing therapy or counsel then having a clear topic to anchor down your actions would not be necessary, since you’d be working with what is arising in moment. Coaching however, requires you to have a goal towards something.

As the coach you are being hired to get your clients from A to B. Unless you and your client specifically agree that you can provide other services, to meander off the course you are setting with your client to get from A to B is actually unethical. If you veer off what you originally set out to create with and provide for your client, without renegotiating your work with her, then you are breaching the coach-client relationship that you initially established. This is why having a strong, clear, and succinct topic is essential. It creates landmarks for progress, and frees you up to focus on exactly what you are providing – coaching.

That all said…
a profound coaching topic must be four things:
1. Specific
2. Developmental
3. Personal
4. Succinct

Specific
In order for a topic to be successful there needs to be a measure of progress, otherwise, what is being accomplished.
For example, here is a topic:
Be connected to my business.
Okay, not a bad start. We can tell this client wants to be connected to his business, that is clear – yet in what ways? In all manners that a person could be connected to a business? Probably not. Through our questions we find out more details, and come to discover the specific include:
To be emotionally connected to my business.
That is definitely more specific.
Another step would be:
To be emotionally connected to the marketing aspects of my business.

Very quickly we start to get a much richer comprehension of what this client actually wants. How we now go about working with this client can be much more refined and thus effective because we ensured the topic was specific.

I’ll add that, you definitely don’t want to be too tight within a topic. Yet it is much easier to open up to possibility then to close down on them. Meaning, better to be a bit more refined and specific and then add more aspects to it, or open up the meaning, than to, have to tighten things up once your program has momentum. It can be hard to rein in a program versus opening it up. And that often can lead to client disappointment because we are taking something away from their program versus adding to it.

  • The bullet point: Ensure the topic is specific enough to relax the client into feeling potential success.

Developmental
The feeling of potential success is very important for a client. They have come to you to achieve something, to succeed. “I want to kick more goals in the net”, “I want to be better at communication in large meetings”. Regardless of the scope, size, or shape of the desire your clients have goals they want to achieve. Defining the topic properly helps provide the momentum and the measure for that success.
Using our example:
To be emotionally connected to the marketing aspects of my business.

When we look at this statement we can see an all or nothing stance. It sounds like the client is not at all emotionally connected to the marketing aspects of his business, and then suddenly will become emotionally connected to the marketing aspects of his business. There is no in-between zone. It either is happening or it is not, and the fact is, that is rarely the case.
Chances are this client is at least minimally emotionally connected to his business’ marketing otherwise he wouldn’t be aware of the need to change his game. What the client is asking for is “to develop more emotional capacities so I can work better with the marketing aspects of my business, since I believe being emotionally connected will allow for better success in the marketing domain”
He recognizes that he needs some work on the emotional connection front – and that is what you have to account for – the “needs some work”. He does not need to master emotional connection, he simply has to grow into some form of capacity in that domain.
In creating a topic we have to both stay aware of the fact that people are probably already doing some of their topic, and that good progress for success is getting some of it going on – there is no need for complete mastery.
Our topic then becomes:
To become more emotionally connected to the marketing aspects of my business.

It is a simple addition to the topic – “to become more”, yet that simplicity frees you and the client from the absolutism of just becoming something (ie emotionally connected) which is always hard to live up to. Plus it suddenly creates a spectrum of possibility within program and practice design. You can start working with the client to determine how much emotional connection he wants. What would that look like to be minimally veers partially connected. There is more room to work within, and more possibility in the zone of reality; instead of setting up the topic for all or nothing, or setting you (and your client) up for a lot of effort with no measurable end.
Other examples:
To connect and honour my courage with my creativity.
Becomes: To honour more of my courage, allowing me to connect deeper to my creativity.

I trust myself and feel confident in my choices
Becomes: To trust myself more, in more moments, so I can feel greater confidence in my choices.

These qualifiers of “more”, “greater”, “deeper”, “increase” add value to the spectrum of development. If it is just an either/or approach to success then the only value that can be achieved comes from getting it “all”, complete, 100% – and that simply is not realistic for you or your client. Value is created by the degree in which one moves from where they are along a spectrum of progress towards a goal. Create realistic value for your clients by ensuring that your topics are developmentally sound.

  • The bullet point: Ensure the topic includes a developmental progression that can be felt and measured.

Personal
Each client is a unique individual, thus each topic needs to be a personal account of what that one person wants to achieve.
Our evolving topic is:
To become more emotionally connected to the marketing aspects of my business.
Becomes:
You will become more emotionally connected to the marketing aspects of your business.

That adds an element of ownership, of the topic being completely for the client, very personal. To achieve this topics can be written in two ways: first person or second person.
You will become more emotionally connected to the marketing aspects of your business.
can also be:
I will become more emotionally connected to the marketing aspects of my business.

There is no hard & fast rule about which one to use, 1p or 2p, I tend to consider what would be most powerful for the client to read. When they have their program, and they are in the midst of some challenge – I try to imagine what would be more beneficial for them to read; a topic in first person or second person language. It has to be one or the other. Even if the person orients from more of an objective (UR/LR/ it) perspective, make their topic personal. It is their subjective self that is looking for coaching, it is their subjective reality that is being challenged and stretched. Make it about him or her personally.

  • The bullet point: Ensure the topic is personal, by using 1p or 2p language.

Succinct
A succinct topic is a powerful topic. Succinctness can touch the heart of client more than any other aspect. Why? Because to be succinct means that you have felt what it requires to ensure the key points of a client’s topic are taken into account, while finding the way to say it with short, clear, concise statements. To be succinct doesn’t just mean shortening what you’ve written, it means knowing what needs to be cut away, and what needs to be held in order to create the clearest doorway into a client’s life challenges (why they are working with you). When done well, succinctness carries a tone of truth and completeness that often really touches the client, and can make them feel the impact of their topic.
Our example:
You will become more emotionally connected to the marketing aspects of your business.
Becomes:
You will become more emotionally connected to the marketing aspects of your business.
I know, nothing different on that one. It is quite succinct as it is.

Another example:
To stand behind myself and express myself with more purpose and acceptance for all that I am.
Becomes:
To stand behind myself more fully such that I can express my purpose and be accepted for who I am.

Examaple:
To find more inner calm with strength that allows you to deal with the forthcoming changes in your job and life with composure, easiness and clarity.
Becomes:
You will become better able to manage upcoming life changes with greater inner calm and personal strength.

You’ll note the nuanced adjustments to the examples. The slight change can shift the meaning a bit, however – it is often through the act of succinctness that you can find the deeper and more important chord that the client wants in their topic. While this is not always the case, there is often a refinement in a topic that only emerges through succinctness. This is where you as a coach start honing the edge of what you can really offer a client. This is where you are actually feeling the implication of a client’s topic in his or her life, Looking AS your client, and shaving away any excess that is compromising the clarity within a client’s topic, and possibly their life. Compare this to a tailor who is bold in making an adjustment to a garment you are having altered. He could just work with the measurements and cut & sew accordingly. Or, he can feel into what would look really sharp on you, and make those changes. This is the transcend and include more of topic creation. After you have worked through points 1, 2, and 3 – the last one after the correct measurements is succinctness – or maybe a better word would be “sweetness”.

  • The bullet point: Mull the topic over, feel the client, feel the topic, discover the sweet spot.

By putting a bit more time and care into creating your topics, you are essentially crafting a stunning door into the clients program. By ensuring the “portal” into their program is specific, developmental, personal, and succinct you will be setting your client and yourself up for a greater degree of precision in their program, and a much higher potential for success.

Since you always check with your client about how the topic your offer lands for him or her, you can rest assured that your will discover how far your efforts go. Re-adjustments occur naturally, and will still benefit from being specific, developmental, personal, and succinct – sweet.

Integral – Foundation and Focus practices

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As you become more comprehensive in creating programs for your clients it is essential to have a solid grasp of the two main categories of practices – Focus Practices and Foundation Practices.

Foundation Practices

Foundation Practices build the new foundation for the client’s New Way of Being (NWOB).
I’m going to repeat that with emphasis – Foundation Practices establish a new ground of being for your client – a ground they currently do not have.

As your client slowly steps into a new expression of herself, she needs a new expression of ground to stand on. Earth – which ground is – requires time to be built up. It takes time for sediment to be laid down, and a new style of ground to take shape. The “ground of our being” – the Earth of our lives – is established in the same manner – over time. Foundation Practices are consistent, often short practices that allow a new ground to be laid, new Earth to be established.

Foundation Practices tend to be simpler, often everyday practices that are new for the client (or using a current practice and modified new in some fashion), that keeps bringing the client back to a new level of engagement that will be seen as relating to their NWOB, and support its development.

A common Foundation Practice is asking somebody to sit and meditate for 10min a day. Another is to take a walk every evening. Or dance to one song a day. Do 15 min of yoga. Or daily read five pages of a book. It is important to remember though – that Foundation Practices must link to their AQAL constellation©, providing something that would be beneficial for them in relation to their topic, not just giving them something to do because we think it is a good idea. Meditation is not for everyone, nor is yoga. So choose wisely.

Since Foundation Practices are the slow consistent work of establishing new ground, there often are no reflection questions associated with a Foundation Practice. We definitely want to keep track of how a client is progressing in their Foundation Practice, we can ask this in our sessions, and adjust the practices as necessary. It is in the consistent “doing” of a Foundation Practice that a client gains fuller embodiment of their NWOB, instead of answering questions.

Foundation Practices usually last the length of a program, or a significant amount of time until new sediment is established, and it feels safe and secure for their NWOB to start standing on. The exception, or better to say – the adjunct, to this long-term laying of new ground through Foundation Practice, are one time events that will provide something for the client that also helps establish new ground for him. For example, there might be a movie you want the client to see that will provide the client significant insights for his NWOB. Or perhaps, there is an event or a somatic practitioner, etc that would provide for building their new ground. This could be likened to a large storm or earthquake that shakes up the Earth yet is necessary for new growth to occur. The skillful use of a state experience is great to use in a client’s program. These can be powerful one-time events – IF they are well thought-out, and planned consciously on your part’ meaning in context to their topic, objectives, AQAL constellation©, and for that time period in their program.

Focus Practices

Focus Practices are what we give clients between sessions – they focus on building a specific capability (muscle) within a Developmental Objective. These are the specific stretch, stress, and test areas that you want the client to work within.
The best way to determine what to focus on is ask yourself – “What capacity (muscle) do I want this client to focus on building for these next two weeks?”

That is your mantra in developing Focus Practices.
- What capacity do I want this client to develop over the next two weeks?
- What capacity do I want this client to develop over the next two weeks?
- What capacity do I want this client to develop over the next two weeks?
This is what you want to ask yourself before your session and during your session with your client.

Focus Practices have to provide a link to a Current Way of Being (CWOB) tendency which then, in the moment, the client makes a choice to practice a NWOB muscle. We use the See, Go, Check of both the CWOB and NWOB to help determine what and where the move will be. Your thinking should be something like, “oh, when they do XYZ of CWOB, instead I want them to do ABC of NWOB”

We also want to be as clear and directional as we can in this as it allows them to feel supported in the container of development. This is where we define 2 times a day, or 3 times a day do this, or “whenever you go to the photocopier do this…”, or “twice a day when you see your wife do this…” This sets a solid container for practice.
Instead of saying, “to build your biceps lift dumbells all da”y, we say, “at 6am and at 6pm lift the dumbells 10 times”
This makes it much more clear, concise, and easier for a client to engage in and choose the NEW way of being.

Remember, we have to link the NEW action/insight/etc to a tendency of the CWOB known to us through the thorough assessment you’ve made of your client (AQAL). We use the items we identified in our assessment to determine what we want them to build.

For example, we might have assessed these aspects of a clients AQAL
UL – to have a better vision of myself while in relation to another; somatic – to be able to feel what energy I have when in front of a group of people; etc

In a creative means we design a Focus Practice that helps them to keep trying something new. To do this we also leverage aspects of their AQAL that we have seen would work for their topic.
EG: I’m going to get somebody to use their strong UR doing tendencies to “step into” a LL group twice a day when they usually go blank in their minds.

Just ask yourself
instead of them doing XYZ of CWOB (known to us in the See, Go, Check of CWOB), I want them to try doing ABC of NWOB (known to us as See, Go, Check of NWOB, which is directly linked to the AQAL aspects we want them to develop in order to be successful in their topic).

The important key is “the choice” - the client has to be given a means to make a choice towards the NWOB move whenever they notice that CWOB tendency arising again. If possible we can practice this choice with our client in a session so he can feel the awkwardness of the new move in action. Then, in his day-to-day life, he will see the CWOB tendency (an aspect of his See, Go, Check), and be given the opportunity to make a new choice – that of his NWOB.

Initially, and probably, this choice won’t be simple, since his CWOB tendency will be in place. Yet, over the course of the practice period, if you wrote a clear practice in which he can SEE that CWOB tendency, then he will want to make that NWOB move, and start choosing to do so.

Observations are designed to help them see into the actuality of what they are doing more succinctly. You want the client to notice something about their CWOB or NWOB that they don’t know yet, which will help that subject to object distinction. There is often two observations created for a Focus Practice.

Now – reflection questions.
Solid reminder – Reflection questions are not for data collection. Reflection questions are not designed to analyze they are used to illuminate.
On strictly a practical level, people will quickly lose interest in simply writing down just observations. There is a feeling of “wasting my time”. As well, and more importantly for profound coaching, nor is that useful to helping create traction from their CWOB into their NWOB. Questions need to provide torque into their NWOB, away from their CWOB, creating a more solid subject to object split, as well as enhancing the muscle building. This doesn’t all have to happen in one question, but consider how a question can be shaped to do so.

I look at the specific muscles I want to develop in the practice, as well as the Developmental Objective it is linked to and write questions that point to those, and also through aspects of their AQAL that I want them to develop more. This is where your questions can become exquisite instruments of deepening if they are precise, caring, and inspiring. A good question allows the client to drop deeper into the meaning and potential of what they had experienced in the actual practice.
So please do take your time with the questions. They don’t have to be huge and all encompassing,instead, Look AS this person, and ask yourself: what question do they need to answer to really see their CWOB more and/or build their NWOB more?

How many reflection questions to give is kind of a minor science. Not too many that the client won’t be engaged, and not too few that the client won’t gain from the practice. Each client also has a varied amount of time in their life. My suggestion is to pick a standard format for yourself to get used to and become good at. Then, you can adapt to each client’s needs, yet don’t cater to them – for more or less – questions. You have been hired to move the client into success of their topic, this does require work. The more skillful and connected your questions are to the program, its nuances, and what the client experienced in the Focus Practice itself, the more enticing the questions become, and the client will be curious about answering them. This is where a great coach flourishes.

I think that is plenty to work with for now.
Enjoy creating your practices.

Steve Jobs Gift To You

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We are globally experiencing the lost of a great leader. Perhaps one of the most creative, powerful geniuses of our time. Whether you own an Apple or not, you were affected my Steve Jobs. Just like Michael Jackson, whether you loved him, liked him, or didn’t pay attention to him – you were affected by him. These cultural icons shape the way we understand reality, and Steve Jobs made way more possible than most people realize.

Just check the internet or newsstands and you will find tons of stories about Steve, his background, his personality, his accomplishments, his dreams, and more. We will celebrate him and mourn for him for a while. During this time, when his essence is still fresh in our consciousness, I think it is useful to consider what gifts he actually presented in being the fullness of himself.

A small blurb from Wired Magazine 19.10 (written before Steve died, yet after his resignation in August)
What makes the perfect chief executive? Understanding customers and what they want, even if they don’t know it yet. Mastery of market dynamics. The acumen of a poker champ. Commitment to excellence and brutal rejection of “good enough”. Accountability when things go wrong. Charisma that makes product launches as exciting as as Springsteen show. Steve Jobs had it all, in abundance. (Not necessarily included in the ideal skill set is a tendency to witheringly dismiss anything that fails to meet his “insanely great” standards. And a penchant for secrecy that makes the NSA look like the public library. But maybe those darker traits can’t be separated from such an exacting oversize personality.) – Steven Levy

The gift that Steve gave everybody, without much effort, was that he fined-tuned himself – and all of his work – wiht the fullness of what he believed in, and did not hold back. He was known for his anger as much as he was for his praise. His creative brilliance was coupled with his emotional range. One does not come without the other people.

In the maturation of creative mastery you must come to terms with the alive-ness of what you feel. Whether you are a political leader, a dancer, lawyer, school-teacher, or CEO of a multi-billion dollar tech company – if you want to free yourself into the fullest expression of your self and what you are creating you must plug the totality of yourself into that which is greater than you, and give yourself over to what that entails, including that which Levy calls “those darker traits”. This often involves becoming more engaged and expressive in ways you have often avoided, and usually are vulnerable and cause for concern.

Steve Jobs demonstrated that when you plug the fullness of your ego into your creative mastery than the unimaginable is possible. And Apple continues to show us just that.

To understand what it means to plug your ego into something important, freeing yourself of the traditional confines of creative mastery – click HERE and listen to track 8 – called “Egolessness”

If you are looking to step into your next level of expression – professionally, personally, relationally, even spiritually – I suggest taking some time to read some articles, listen to some stories about Steve Jobs. He gave us way more than what comes from a bite into an apple.

Inspiring and Realistic

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As coaches, we often want our clients to feel that the sky is the limit. That if they really want success and also authentically work towards their goals that they can achieve their dreams. We can believe that our enthusiastic support can be like “super-nutrients” for success, where our words can be the difference between a base-hit or a home-run. For hey ! – we are their coach after all – we need to pour it on… don’t we?

While “pouring it on” may uplift the energy of what the client is working towards, it often simply induces a limited state experience, that, unless it is held with the structure of a more solid and grounded program, will lead to subsequent crash – and thus, limited actual success in their program. For all state experiences come to an end, and, state experiences themselves (such as inspiring and unrealistic support) provide no substantial growth unless supported by structure that can provide both translation and metabolisation of that state experience.

I often see over-indulgent support in how coaches write-up their client’s topic, objectives, or goals.
Some examples:
“You will be able to face another person and feel any emotion fully.”
“You will be able to meet any challenge head on.”
“You’ll be able to contain all ideas and work with complete commitment.”
“You will come to know your self completely with your intentions fully aligned.”

 

Note the absolute and unrealistic qualifiers that are made in these statements. “Meet any challenge”, “Know yourself completely” No matter how great a coach you are you can’t promise somebody such absolutist goals. While this action can appear to keep a client’s spirits high, it is not realistic. And when we set unrealistic expectations – even if we provide high-spirited support – we don’t keep the client’s coaching program grounded in substantial subjective and objective growth.

 

While definitely not a hard & fast rule, watch out for these keywords that tend to intimate more romantic, idealistic, and absolutist support: Fully, completely, all, any. If you use one of these words, ensure it is within a grounded context.

In my opinion, support is more powerful and promotes longer-lasting actual change (not just the high from a state experience) when it actually lands on the ground for the client versus stays altruistically in the air. Remember – true power and impact is only delivered when energy lands on the ground. A hammer only does its job when it comes downward to strike the nail into the earth. Walking only works when out foot presses against the ground. Even lighting only is dangerous when it strikes towards the earth. So, ensure your words can be felt on the ground of the client’s life.

Rewritten, the above statements would look like:
“You will be able to face a greater variety of people while experiencing more of your emotions”
“You will be able to meet more challenges in your work and home life with increased capacity to stand your ground.”
“You will become more committed in working with a greater range of ideas.”
“You will be able to align your intentions with greater clarity as you come to know yourself further.”

Can you see and feel the difference?
These are much more grounded statements for possible success. These statements are inspiring and realistic.

By providing support with both feet on the ground –your client will hit more homeruns, and be able to make it around all the bases  ; )

It has to be Practical

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Integral Coaching needs to be practical. As coaches, our primary goal with a client is to provide a substantial program – based on their topic (what we determine they want to achieve) – helping them move from A to B. We do this by creating practices that help them embody a New Way Of Being (NWOB) that leads to them reaching their destination = topic. We are not here to philosophize, proselytize, prophesize, or pamperize. We educate only in a manner that is related to development within their program.

Too many times a new coach, who suddenly has a captivated audience of one, will use this safe container they’ve created to work on their own soap-box speech about some meta-phsyics of reality that they themselves are still learning to comprehend. Or, a more seasoned coach, who is able to consistently create regular decent forward motion in a client’s process, can find himself becoming slightly aloof and not fully engaged (resting on his developmental laurels) and will believe it his his place to “educate” his client about some aspect of greater moral or cultural conduct or implication. It might be about some manner in which the client “should” go about understanding something. Or that it might be “more inclusive” and “progressive” if the client were to consider this [opinion that I am currently expressing and moderately attached to].

Watch yourself !
You are not a preacher my friend, you are a coach. And the less you preach, the better a coach you will end up being. [And, just as a side note: if you are a preacher and a coach (which I do know a few), be a good catalyst for positive change, and ensure you keep the distinctions of when you are being a coach and when you are being a preacher clear with your client. Ambiguity of that sort is a disservice to your client and to both vocations.]

Keep it practical. Let the client find their own insights. By all means bring in your own flavors, ideas, and preferences within your coaching sessions, yet please keep your moves and words within the coaching process based within the essential practicality of the client’s program. Otherwise, instead of working with you, they might as watch Dr. Phil, read Don Miguel Ruiz, and ask their friends what they should be doing.

Your Autobiography in Five Chapters

Chapter One
You walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
You fall in.
You are lost…You feel hopeless.
You say, “It isn’t my fault.”
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
You walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
You pretend you don’t see it.
You fall in again.
You can’t believe you’re in the same place.
You say, “But it isn’t my fault.”
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
You walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
You see it is there.
You still fall in… its’s a habit.
Your eyes are open
You know where you are
You know it is your fault.
You get out immediately.

Chapter Four
You walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
You walk around it

Chapter Five
You walk down another street.

adapted from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche

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